I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
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mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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