You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And then my night got REAL pukey
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
