If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
