ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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