you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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