I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
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I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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