shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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