a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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