You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
