I think my vagina is haunted
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
