my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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