tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
