im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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