i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
