i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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