Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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