I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
