On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
