I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
