went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
