I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
