GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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