Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
