Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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