Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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