A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
