I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
