Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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