How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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