apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
