'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
