youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
