I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
