i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
