They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
