you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
