dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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