I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
even my farts smell like vagina
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
