Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
