i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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