Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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