U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
