you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I will pee on everything he values.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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