if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Farmville is her only friend.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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