Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
