ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize