Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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