I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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