if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
