then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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