Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
