I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
