we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
