he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
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woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
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I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.