I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
17 People Admit the Worst Thing They’ve Done To a Server
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?