Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!