I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I love you. Go after that dick