Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
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Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
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Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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