I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
