he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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