My cat gives me a boner
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard