Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.

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(509): Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN. http://tfl.nu/p4en

Replies (19) Good night (4221) Bad night (496)
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(817): View more from Texas

you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag

(817): View more from Texas

could you get any more awkward?

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(817): you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag (817): could you get any more awkward? http://tfl.nu/636d

Replies (8) Good night (1209) Bad night (4503)
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(320): View more from Minnesota

I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town

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(320): I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town http://tfl.nu/1n02

Replies (32) Good night (4142) Bad night (1132)
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(571): View more from Virginia

i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

so you made the shocked face and they caught you.

(571): View more from Virginia

yup.

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(571): i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise. (570): so you made the shocked face and they caught you. (571): yup. http://tfl.nu/1dzq

Replies (19) Good night (1488) Bad night (5361)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway

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(603): you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway http://tfl.nu/lrgo

Replies (6) Good night (4666) Bad night (1100)
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(905): View more from Ontario

He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.

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(905): He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later. http://tfl.nu/c4t5

Replies (25) Good night (6392) Bad night (1105)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"

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(203): So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?" http://tfl.nu/t9pp

Replies (7) Good night (5297) Bad night (1626)
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(714): View more from California

if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.

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(714): if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed. http://tfl.nu/eogf

Replies (3) Good night (3056) Bad night (978)
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(317): View more from Indiana

He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...

(1-317): View more from Indiana

He's the fucking cop whisperer.

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(317): He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him... (1-317): He's the fucking cop whisperer. http://tfl.nu/3vvt

Replies (25) Good night (11323) Bad night (1065)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.

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(507): All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different. http://tfl.nu/qt7m

Replies (15) Good night (2685) Bad night (1586)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.

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(601): She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs. http://tfl.nu/rhuf

Replies (9) Good night (3741) Bad night (805)
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(740): View more from Ohio

This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.

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(740): This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod. http://tfl.nu/pyaj

Replies (9) Good night (1892) Bad night (676)
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(419): View more from Ohio

That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.

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(419): That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself. http://tfl.nu/02m3

Replies (8) Good night (1842) Bad night (620)
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(281): View more from Texas

I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.

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(281): I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that. http://tfl.nu/d3y7

Replies (7) Good night (577) Bad night (1398)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.

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(443): Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love. http://tfl.nu/kdvx

Replies (2) Good night (568) Bad night (382)

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