so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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