You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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