I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
