you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
