i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize