i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
