im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
