No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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