I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
