new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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