I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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